So here goes.
I’m anxious. I have always been an anxious person – emotional, high-strung, and a full-time worrier. I often laid awake at night, hating myself over some offhand comment I made fifteen years before. Once, on my morning drive to work, a man blared his horn at me for driving too slowly, and my day was ruined.
Work stress was the worst, though. It was not uncommon to feel chest pains when a deadline was approaching, or some minor mistake was made. I was convinced I’d be fired, my career over, and I’d end up homeless living in the woods behind my parents’ home.
For a long time, anxiety was not something I understood, but I know now that I have suffered from it most of my life. I assumed it was normal, and my friends and coworkers were just stronger and better equipped than me.
At 40, I was diagnosed with Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD), a severe form of PMS. Four years later, when my disorder moved from moderate to severe to a full-blown crisis, I added an SSRI to my treatment plan, and within a week, my whole life changed. I felt stronger, more in control, and my brain was hungry with curiosity. Things that seemed so out of reach were suddenly possible. While antidepressants are not for everyone, and I am in no way advocating for or against their use, it helped me.
My PMDD diagnosis, and my ensuing mental health journey, led to the realization of how much I wanted to be a counsellor to help others who struggle.
People have always fascinated me. I found the study of psychology the most interesting subject in university, but not something I pursued due to family pressure and my fears. Instead, I received a practical business degree and began a career in marketing. Since my diagnosis, I delved into the psychology world on topics like CBT and mindfulness, and I am both proud and elated to say I have found my passion. It is thrilling to be a part of this program, to learn to help people pursue their own mental health needs.
In 2020, just as the COVID-19 pandemic first took hold, I began a Master of Arts program in Counselling Psychology, and I continue to learn more about this field every day. I’m excited to continue, and I cannot wait for what’s next.