Our February PMDD group reviewed the concept of PMDD and our identities, and how living with PMDD —Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder—can feel like losing yourself for part of every month. The emotional intensity, intrusive thoughts, and physical symptoms that show up during the luteal phase can distort perception, strain relationships, and shake your sense of identity, and we were happy to address this with our group.
You are not your PMDD.
Through shared stories and practical skills drawn from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), the group explored how to separate identity from symptoms—and how to move through difficult phases with more self-compassion and clarity.
The Core Skill: Cognitive Defusion
A major focus of the session was cognitive defusion, a DBT technique that helps create distance between you and your thoughts.
During PMDD, thoughts can feel absolute:
- “I’m failing.”
- “My relationship is wrong.”
- “Everything is hopeless.”
Defusion teaches us to pause and shift perspective.
1. Labeling Thoughts
Instead of: “I’m a terrible partner.” Try: “I’m having the thought that I’m a terrible partner.” That small shift reminds us that a thought is not a fact. It’s a mental event.
We also practiced labeling thoughts by category:
- Judging
- Predicting
- Remembering
- Worrying
This reduces their emotional charge.
2. Externalizing PMDD
Many participants found relief in giving PMDD a nickname. My personal favourites are Regina George and/or Miranda Priestly (I happen to have a fondness for a certain type of genre), but “Dragon me,” works too. Your choice!
By externalizing it—treating it as something happening to you rather than as you—you loosen its grip on your identity. PMDD becomes temporary, a tough visitor that is not your personality.
3. Silly Voices
It sounds simple—but it works. Saying a harsh inner critic thought in a cartoon voice or exaggerated tone diminishes its authority. Humor creates psychological space. I tried a particularly appalling Irish accent here (I’m descended from Irish folk, so I fancy myself decent enough to try it, but alas), and it does work in taking the power out of our thoughts. Go ahead and pick your best/worst accent or silly voice and try it – I promise you it’s fun!
4. Visualization: Leaves on a Stream
One exercise invited participants to imagine placing each intrusive thought on a leaf and watching it float down a stream.
- You don’t fight it.
- You don’t analyze it.
- You just let it pass.
Core Values vs. Capacity
One of the most important discussions centered on this distinction: Your core values remain constant—even when your capacity to live them fluctuates. During your luteal phase, your energy, patience, or emotional regulation may drop. That does not mean:
- You stopped caring about your partner.
- You stopped valuing your career.
- You stopped being a compassionate person.
It means your capacity temporarily shifted. That difference is everything.
Luteal-Phase Boundaries
The group also discussed creating “off-limits” rules for the luteal phase:
- No major life decisions
- No ending relationships
- No career overhauls
- No irreversible commitments
When emotions are hormonally amplified, clarity can be distorted. Waiting protects your future self.
The Most Important Reminder: PMDD is temporary.
It does not define you.
It does not erase your values.
It does not cancel your identity.
Practicing self-kindness and forgiveness—especially for behaviors that arise during the luteal phase—is essential. Shame fuels the cycle. Compassion interrupts it.
About Impart Therapy
Impart Therapy is a virtual practice dedicated to providing accessible psychotherapy services, including support for PMDD, ADHD, anxiety, depression, grief, stress, and life transitions. The Impart team runs a monthly PMDD Group Program (the third Thursday of every month). For more details about the PMDD Group, please visit: PMDD Support Group & Therapy | Join Our Community