We’ve all felt it: going months without a PMDD-related issue, feeling in control of our lives and symptoms lessening, perhaps even wondering if we have this PMDD thing anymore, when bam! A terrible cycle drops us right back where we were, leaving us bereft and ashamed. It’s a PMDD setback, and unfortunately, just as much a part of our PMDD journey as sore breasts and irritation. Although a normal part of living with this disorder, our setbacks can feel like a betrayal, or even a failure: we were doing so well with everything, and now we’re starting all over again.
PMDD Doesn’t Play Fair
The cyclical nature of PMDD means that we can predict some of what we’ll experience, but, sadly, it’s also unpredictable. Stress, illness, diet, lack of sleep, relationships, trauma, or absolutely nothing at all can trigger a flare-up. One month you might feel like you’ve finally found your rhythm, and the next, you’re crying in your car, struggling to remember why you were feeling hopeful at all.
When this happens (and, in our experience, it will), remember, you’re not a failure. It’s the nature of this disorder. It’s not in your head, and you’re not imagining things. You’re dealing with real, hormone-driven mood and physical symptoms that deserve serious attention and respect.
When the Setback Hits
Setbacks can be discouraging. They can make us feel weak, isolated, or even ashamed. Here’s something no one talks about enough: It’s okay to grieve those moments. You’re allowed to be angry, sad, and tired of the cycle. Give yourself that space.
Following a PMDD Setback:
Feel first.
- Identify your feelings. If you feel bummed, allow yourself to have these feelings. Avoid invalidating yourself.
Take time for yourself.
- Do not rush yourself to be “over it.”
When ready, ask yourself, “What have I learned?”
- When ready (and we need to emphasize the “when” here, as this may take time), consider how you can learn from what happened, and prevent it from happening again.
- Try to be as specific as possible. Sometimes, the answer might be simply that you need to take time to yourself. Sometimes, it may be that you need space to forgive yourself.
Other Tips Include:
- Lean on your tools—even if they feel ineffective right now. Whether it’s DBT tools like STOP or coping ahead, journaling, medication, talking to your therapist, or lying in bed with your comfort blanket—these small things do matter.
- Reach out. DM a friend who gets it. Join a PMDD support group online (it just so happens Impart has a free Zoom support group that meets monthly – more details here), or the numerous social media groups that help. Text someone with just a “I’m not okay today.” You don’t need to have words for it. You just need someone to know.
- Document it—without judgment. Writing down how you’re feeling isn’t just cathartic—it can help you track patterns and remind you later: This wasn’t forever.
- Be kind to your past self. She did her best with the tools she had. She trying.
Keep Going Despite Your Setbacks
PMDD doesn’t define your worth or your resilience. The fact that you’re still here—reading this, seeking understanding, wanting to feel better—that’s strength and courage. Setbacks don’t make you weak. They make you human. And in this community, being human is more than enough.
Impart Therapy
At Impart, we work with clients struggling with PMDD, ADHD, anxiety, stress, and life transitions. If you are looking for help, please reach out. Our therapists are available immediately. Contact us today!