Thoughts of self-doubt, anxiety, and failure are very common for people going through difficult life transitions. They can get in the way of living to our full potential and restrict us from reaching our goals. Eventually, it may seem like these bad thoughts will never go away. Don’t worry — there are actually really easy alternatives to slowing down these negative thoughts. The first step is actually not getting rid of them, but rather creating distance from them. This may seem contradicting, but it really works! Keep reading to learn more.
In week 2 of the Transition Toolkit program, the group learned more about uncertainty, common thinking traps, overthinking versus problem solving, cognitive reframing, and even used CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) techniques to form a thought record. All of these topics are so helpful to be educated on, especially when it comes to making tough life decisions or changes. Let’s dive in!
Common Thinking Traps
Do you ever start thinking about something that you know will cause you to worry, and immediately jump to conclusions, assume the worst, and think you are going to fail? This happens when our mind gets tangled up in all of these negative thoughts and doesn’t quite know how to control them.
Catastrophizing is a very popular thinking trap. In our group we discussed this one in further detail because of how damaging it can be to our mental health. When we catastrophize, we expect the worst possible outcome or think everything will go wrong. Maybe you have an upcoming exam that you’re really nervous for. You start by thinking, “what if I mess up a question?” With catastrophizing, your thoughts can transform into the worst-case scenario. You are now thinking, “what if I forget everything I studied and fail the entire exam?” Next time this happens to you, instead of letting these thoughts take over, ask yourself, “what is the most likely outcome?” or tell yourself “what if everything goes right?” This can help redirect your thoughts and introduce more positive ones.
Another thinking trap we can find ourselves using is all-or-nothing thinking. This involves seeing situations as either success or failure.
Mind reading is another thinking trap, and it’s when we assume we know exactly what others are thinking. We need to remind ourselves that we are not magicians or mind-readers, and will never have any control over what others think of us. All we can do is think the best for ourselves.
Fortune telling is similar to this — it’s when we predict what is going to happen, which can include predicting the worst thing will happen in a scenario.
Overgeneralizing is taking one bad experience and applying it to every other experience we go through. An example of this could be going through a bad breakup and now convincing yourself that you are just bad at dating and will never find love ever again.
The thinking trap of “should thinking” is a lot like tunnel vision. We tell ourselves that we should or have to do something in order to succeed. This can give us a lot of stress and put pressure on ourselves to be “perfect.”
This leads into perfectionism, another thinking trap we learned about in more depth. Perfectionism refers to believing things need to be done perfectly or we may fail. It includes “should thinking” and may sound like, “I should be doing more with my life” or “I can’t make a mistake.” Although sometimes these thoughts can motivate us to succeed, it is more common for them to make us feel stuck. Thoughts like these can pop up during a significant life transition and sometimes convince us we have to do something perfectly even though we don’t need to. It’s important to realize that nobody’s perfect, and as humans, it’s normal to make mistakes.
Overthinking vs. Problem Solving
To expand on these thinking traps, overthinking can also be a big problem while facing changes in life. Overthinking consists of repeating the same thoughts over and over, and most of the time they are negative thoughts. This triggers stress and worry. Instead of spending all of our energy overthinking, we can learn to problem solve. You can ask yourself, “what is causing this thought?”, “why is it significant at this moment?”, “what emotions am I feeling right now?”, and finally, “what can I do to diminish these thoughts?” By breaking down the situation as a whole, it is easier to recognize certain patterns and avoid those thought traps in the future.
Rerouting Negative Thoughts: Cognitive Reframing
Try this: next time you have a negative, anxiety-triggering thought, try to re-word it more positively. This way you aren’t getting rid of the thought completely, just giving it a better tone and making it more realistic. You are removing the catastrophizing factors from the thought, creating distance from those negative attributes, and filling the space with positive ones.
The next time this thought or similar thoughts pop into your head, you’ll know how to reframe it — and as time goes on, those positive thoughts can pop up on their own!
Like I mentioned at the beginning, we don’t have to get rid of these thoughts completely — in fact, we all know how difficult that can be! Instead, we can learn to redirect our thoughts, create distance from them, and look at them from a balanced perspective. This helps us stay motivated on our goals in life, without letting bad thoughts take control of us.
About Isabella Tomei
Isabella Tomei is a fourth-year Psychology student at Toronto Metropolitan University with a passion for understanding mental health disorders, psychotherapy, and behavioural development. Her interest in psychology comes from a genuine desire to better understand people and support them through the challenges they may face. Isabella plans to pursue graduate studies in counseling psychology with a long-term goal of becoming a child psychologist. She hopes to build a career centered around helping others become the best version of themselves. Isabella believes that everyone deserves the chance to be heard and understood and to have access to the help they need to improve their well-being. With her future plans, she hopes to one day be someone who can make a meaningful difference in the lives of others.