At our June PMDD Support Group meeting, we gathered to discuss two topics that are often overlooked but incredibly important when living with Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD): self-care and self-kindness.
As many of us know, PMDD is much more than severe PMS. It is a complex condition that can affect emotional well-being, relationships, work, and overall quality of life. For many people, PMDD can feel isolating, especially when others don’t fully understand the intensity of the symptoms. That’s why coming together as a community is so valuable. Sharing experiences, learning new skills, and supporting one another reminds us that we don’t have to navigate PMDD alone.
During our discussion, participants spoke openly about the challenges of diagnosis, treatment, and finding sustainable ways to manage symptoms. While every PMDD journey is unique, many of the experiences shared reflected common themes of resilience, frustration, growth, and hope.
At our support groups, we often draw from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), an evidence-based approach that provides practical tools for managing intense emotions. DBT focuses on four key skill areas: distress tolerance, mindfulness, emotional regulation, and interpersonal effectiveness. These skills can help individuals living with PMDD better understand their emotional experiences, respond more effectively to challenges, and build greater self-awareness and resilience over time.
Self-Care and Self-Kindness: What’s the Difference?
One of the most meaningful conversations of the evening focused on the difference between self-care and self-kindness.
Self-care is often easier to recognize. It includes activities such as getting enough sleep, eating nourishing meals, exercising, resting, attending medical appointments, or taking time to relax. These are the actions we take to support our physical and emotional well-being.
Self-kindness, however, is something deeper. It is the attitude we bring to ourselves while doing those things.
Many people with PMDD notice that during the luteal phase of their cycle, their inner critic becomes much louder. Feelings of exhaustion, overwhelm, irritability, or reduced productivity can quickly be accompanied by thoughts such as, “I’m lazy,” “I’m failing,” or “I should be doing more.”
During the session, we explored a simple but powerful DBT concept: replacing judgment with description.
Instead of saying, “I’m lazy today,” we can try saying, “My energy is low today.”
Instead of, “I’m failing,” we might say, “I’m struggling today because my symptoms are stronger.”
This shift may seem small, but it can make a significant difference. When we focus on describing our experience rather than judging ourselves, we create room for understanding, compassion, and self-acceptance.
Finding Balance Through the Wise Mind
The group also discussed the DBT concept of the “wise mind,” which represents the balance between emotional thinking and rational thinking.
Living with PMDD often means navigating intense emotions that can feel overwhelming at times. Wise mind encourages us to acknowledge those emotions without allowing them to completely take over. It reminds us that our feelings matter, while also helping us respond to them with perspective and compassion.
Rather than fighting against our emotions or judging ourselves for having them, we can learn to listen to them, understand them, and respond in ways that support our well-being.
Practical Strategies for Everyday Life
The conversation also included practical self-care strategies that can help reduce vulnerability to emotional distress. Participants discussed the importance of maintaining healthy routines, including adequate sleep, balanced nutrition, regular movement, and consistent personal care.
We also explored the concept of radical acceptance—acknowledging reality as it is in the present moment without fighting, avoiding, or judging it. Acceptance does not mean liking what we are experiencing. Instead, it means recognizing what is happening so we can respond more effectively.
Another helpful tool shared during the session was the practice of “Name It to Tame It.” By identifying and labeling emotions as they arise, we can often reduce their intensity and gain a greater sense of control. Sometimes simply saying, “I feel anxious,” “I feel frustrated,” or “I feel sad” can help us better understand what we need in that moment.
A Gentle Reminder
The evening concluded with a guided breathing and mindfulness exercise that encouraged participants to notice physical sensations and emotions without judgment.
One takeaway that resonated with many was the difference between saying, “I feel tired” and “I am tired.” Our emotions, symptoms, and difficult moments are experiences we move through—they are not who we are.
The discussion served as a powerful reminder that managing PMDD requires more than a one-size-fits-all approach. Through education, community support, self-compassion, and practical coping strategies, we can build a stronger foundation for navigating the challenges of PMDD.
Most importantly, we can remind ourselves of something we all need to hear from time to time: we are doing the best we can, and we deserve the same kindness and understanding that we so freely offer to others.
About Impart Therapy
Impart Therapy is a virtual practice dedicated to providing accessible psychotherapy services, including support for PMDD, ADHD, anxiety, depression, grief, stress, and life transitions. The Impart team runs a monthly PMDD Group Program (the third Thursday of every month). For more details about the PMDD Group, please visit: PMDD Support Group & Therapy | Join Our Community