Grief is the emotional pain we feel when we lose someone or something important. Many people know about the “five stages of grief”: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. These stages can help explain some feelings, but grief is much more complex. It doesn’t follow a straight path, and it doesn’t look the same for everyone (Kübler-Ross & Kessler, 2014).
Grief can come from many types of loss, not just death. You might grieve after a breakup, losing a job, moving away, ending a friendship or even losing a dream. It’s the emotional response to change and absence.
A New Way to Understand Grief
Instead of thinking of grief as stages, some experts suggest a more flexible method called the GRIEF model. This approach helps people live with their loss, not just “get over” it (Forsythia, n.d.):
- G: Ground yourself in reality. Accept that the loss happened.
- R: Release expectations. Let go of how you thought things would be.
- I: Integrate the loss. Find ways to carry it with you.
- E: Explore your emotions. Feel whatever comes—sadness, anger, guilt, even joy.
- F: Find meaning. Discover what this experience has taught you or how it’s changed you.
This model shows that grief is a process of growth and healing.
Grief Looks Different for Everyone
Grief doesn’t always look like sadness. It can show up in many ways:
- Feeling numb or disconnected
- Trouble sleeping or eating
- Anxiety or panic attacks
- Guilt or anger
- Avoiding reminders of the loss
- Sudden bursts of energy or creativity
There are also different types of grief:
- Anticipatory grief: Mourning before the loss happens, like when someone is very sick.
- Disenfranchised grief: Grief that others don’t recognize, like losing a pet or going through a miscarriage.
- Collective grief: Shared grief after events like natural disasters or pandemics.
- Secondary losses: Losing routines, roles, or a sense of safety because of the main loss (American Psychological Association, n.d.).
How to Cope With Grief
Grief can feel overwhelming, but there are ways to take care of yourself:
1. Talk About It
Say what you’re feeling or write it down. Naming your emotions helps you understand them. Grief therapy is also quite helpful, and sometimes we may not want to talk about it with others. A trained therapist can be the person you discuss your grief with.
2. Create Rituals
Light a candle, write a letter, or visit a special place. These small acts help you feel connected to what you’ve lost.
3. Don’t Rush Yourself
There’s no deadline for grief. Some days will feel better than others. That’s okay.
4. Reach Out
Talk to friends, join a support group, or see a therapist. You don’t have to go through grief alone.
5. Move Your Body
Exercise, stretch, or take a walk. Physical movement can help release stress and emotions.
6. Be Kind to Yourself
It’s easy to feel guilty or think you should be “over it.” Remind yourself that grief takes time and you’re doing your best.
7. Look for Meaning
Ask yourself: What have I learned? How has this changed me? What do I want to carry forward?
When to Get Help
Grief is normal, but if you feel stuck, hopeless, or unable to function, it’s important to get help. A therapist can support you and help you find ways to cope. Impart Therapy has therapists who can talk to you about your grief.
Grief Can Lead to Growth
Grief doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. It means you loved, you cared, and you’re human. Over time, grief can change. It may not disappear completely, but it can become a part of your story, something that helps you grow stronger and more compassionate.
If you’re grieving, know this: you’re not alone. You’re allowed to feel what you feel. And healing doesn’t mean forgetting it means remembering with love. Grief therapy is an excellent option to help.
About the Author: Carolyn Holmes, RP (Qualifying)
Carolyn Holmes is a Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying), embarking on a therapy career after 25 years in management. She helps individuals, couples, and families, primarily using a client-led talk therapy approach. She focuses in anxiety, depression, and grief.
References
American Psychological Association. (n.d.). Grief: Coping with the loss of your loved one. Grief: Coping with the loss of your loved one
Forsythia, S. (n.d.). Beyond the 5 stages: How to rebuild life after loss with the GRIEF method. Shelby Forsythia. https://www.shelbyforsythia.com/blog-archive/beyond-the-5-stages-how-to-rebuild-life-after-loss-with-the-grief-method
Kübler-Ross, E., & Kessler, D. (2014). On grief and grieving: Finding the meaning of grief through the five stages of loss. Simon & Schuster.