Week three of the Reconnect and Restore program had Payton Newby presenting about how to work with our nervous system. She started off by telling us why our emotions exist. They exist not as facts but as part of our human experience. They are adaptive and evolved to help us survive and respond to our environment. They communicate what matters to us, what we need, and what to avoid. Understanding them is the foundation of working with our nervous system. Payton then moved on to an important point – that the state of our nervous system is not our identity. We often say things like, “I am anxious.” But that statement sounds like we are defining ourselves based on that state of anxiety when in reality, it is a temporary state. Rather, we can say, “I am experiencing anxiety.” In this way, our worth is not defined by how our nervous system is responding to stress or overwhelm. Our worth is actually defined by how you show up in life, your values.
She described the concept of the window of tolerance which is a state of our nervous system where we are calm, regulated, present, and able to think and respond to events in our life. When we are hyperaroused, described as being above the window, we are highly activated, anxious, overwhelmed, reactive, and can be in a panic. We can also be dysregulated by being below the window or hypoaroused, a state of shutdown, disconnection, fogginess, and low energy. The goal however is not to stay in the window of tolerance all the time, but to be able to gently return to it once we leave it.
Payton provided a personalized nervous system toolkit full of regulation tools for when a person feels activated (hyperaroused) or shut down (hypoaroused). Some examples of tools for when one feels activated are to lengthen your exhale, ground using your five senses, and gentle stretching. Tools for when you feel shut down can be music with a steady rhythm, speaking or reading out loud, and a warm tea or other comforting sensory experience. So next time, you feel out of your window of tolerance, you can try some of these suggestions based on whether you are hyper- or hypoaroused. Payton really encouraged the participants to take a moment to reflect on things that calm them and things that energize them, considering what tools feel the most natural to you. Creating a personalized nervous system tool kit when in the window of tolerance can help you be prepared for times of dysregulation.
She emphasized that nervous system regulation is part of everyday life, not just big stressors and events. What we feed our nervous system daily is very important. She considered four categories of life where we need to regularly assess the impact they are having on our nervous system: information, relationships, environment, and self-care. In each, Payton suggested that we consider whether what you are consuming moving your nervous system toward safety or survival?
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- Information: News and current events, social media, podcasts, television, work emails,
notifications
- Information: News and current events, social media, podcasts, television, work emails,
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- Relationships: Safe connected people verus draining activated people
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- Environment: Time in nature, light, noise, clutter, spaces that support calm and focus
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- Self-care: Nourishing meals, hydration, sleep, movement, rest
Payton talked about glimmers and self-compassion being other ways that we can add safety to
our nervous system. Glimmers are small moments of safety that shift the nervous system
- Self-care: Nourishing meals, hydration, sleep, movement, rest
toward regulation. They could be also anything that brings a little sparkle to your day, but she gave us some examples as sunlight, nature, pets, music, and gentle movement. Self-
compassion is kindness toward ourselves. You cannot shame yourself into lasting change. Self- compassion is the key and involves mindfulness, common humanity, and self-kindness. We must allow ourselves to acknowledge our experience with curiosity and acceptance. Remember that struggle, imperfection, and suffering are part of the shared human experience. Then, learn
to replace harsh self-criticism with the same warmth, understanding, and compassion that you would offer a close friend.
Payton ended the session talking about living according to our values and taking small steps everyday to help regulate our nervous system. Our values are important because they are our compass, guiding us. Because we cannot always control our emotions, but we can choose our actions. And if we act on our values, then we will build a rich and meaningful life. In the same way, acting regularly to maintain our nervous system within our window of tolerance adds up and builds resilience. She gave many examples of everyday regulation habits but here are a few: breath work, consistent sleep routines, and time in nature.
About Adrienne Marsh
Adrienne Marsh, RN, RP (Qualifying), is a psychotherapist at Impart Therapy. Drawing on her background in nursing and mental health, Adrienne supports clients through anxiety, life transitions, and emotional wellness. She offers virtual therapy across Ontario. To learn more about working with Adrienne, contact Impart Therapy.