Last Friday, I received a big promotion and a raise. The role, one that I have been yearning for my whole career, places me at a highly respected level in my field. The news should have had me dancing.

Instead, I felt the walls of my chest closing in. All weekend, I slept fitfully, nightmares plaguing me. When awake, I struggled to breathe as I worried.

I wasn’t thinking about the huge success of our recent online conference, where we crushed through all our goals at 1/6 of my previous year’s marketing budget. Or the Key Performance Indicators (KPIs) our team consistently exceeds. Or the six industry awards I brought in for the company in the last three years. All I could think was: I’m not good enough.  

I cannot quite explain why I am having such a negative physical and emotional reaction to something fantastic happening. Or perhaps I can. 

Introducing the Imposter Syndrome 

A concept whereby one fundamentally believes they not as competent as others perceive them to be, imposter syndrome is better known as that deep-down feeling that we are frauds: that we don’t actually know anything, we haven’t earned our achievements, and we are pretending until someone finds us out. 

This condition is so common that more than 2/3 of us will experience it at least once in our lives. While imposter syndrome is not recognized as a disorder by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), it is well understood to cause a great deal of distress for those that suffer, including extreme self-doubt, fear, self-sabotage, the belief that our success is due to external influences (like luck), and the need to constantly overachieve.

Some of us lean towards perfectionism, while others push ourselves to continually perform, improve, or produce, setting ourselves up for anxiety, depression, and burnout. 

Those with imposter syndrome are usually already anxious, as it commonly comorbids with generalized anxiety disorder or social anxiety, with perfectionistic personalities at greater risk. While this phenomenon affects both men and women, it’s not surprising to impact women at a much higher rate, particularly those of colour and in the LGBTQ community. In the corporate world, as men reach management and leadership positions earlier and more often, corporate women find themselves questioning their successes.

Globally, women hold only 23% of executive positions and 29% of senior management positions, and in Canada, 90% of C-level executive roles are held by men.  One potential cause of women’s imposter syndrome is the lack of female representation in our traditionally patriarchal societies.

What does this have to do with me, you ask? After all, I was promoted to an executive position, so what the heck is wrong? Great question. Perhaps because there isn’t already someone that looks like me in the role, my unconscious mind wonders that in order to have made it, I must be somehow extra-special or extraordinary (and I can assure you, I am not). Instead, I am an imposter. 

Now that I realize this, what can I do to relax, breathe normally, and enjoy the fruits of my labour? In cognitive behavioural therapy, we use a process referred to as cognitive restructuring – or simply put, learning to think differently. We examine our thoughts and feelings, looking for evidence to support and disprove these, and allowing ourselves the potential to reframe our cognitions.

For corporate women, and me in particular, I can remind myself that I have an excellent boss who is not in the habit of handing out random promotions. I can allow myself the possibility that I earned this, that my 21 years of industry experience and performance have gotten me to this very goal. I can tell myself (gently, but firmly) that maybe, just maybe, I am not an imposter after all.